I wrote a couple of months ago about the question many of us get about having more kids, but never came right out said where I stood on the issue. I don’t know that the answer is a simple yes or no. If you would have asked me a year ago, I would have said no or may be to more kids. 6 months ago the answer would be yes, no, and may be. Today the answer is more of a yes, than a may be or a no, because my husband and I would like for our daughter to have a sibling.
To me it’s funny to think that my answer would have been no or only may be to the question of having more kids. I have worked with children in some capacity for so long and have always loved babies and children. At one point in my life I wanted a houseful of kids, and dreamed having at least 3 or 4. Then came caring for myself after having a baby. I LOVE my daughter, and feel like motherhood with regards to her is going really well. It’s the caring for myself piece that I have struggled with in motherhood. It’s this caring for myself that makes me nervous about having more children.
I know what I could have done better for myself after having VHP, which was speak up about needing help. Don’t get me wrong, I did have some great help from family that I cherish still today. I also know that I should have spoken up for more help, because many folks figured I was fine when it came to caring for my daughter due to all my childcare experience (9 years in a preschools, 5.5 years as a nanny, and started babysitting 20 years ago). Little did they know, that even with experience, you still need a break and you still need help. I was good about sleeping when the baby slept, but sometimes it’s nice to sleep alone too. I know that I will be better at speaking up if we’re able to have another child.
To you other mamas out there that aren’t sure if you want another or that you’re ready for another one, know that you’re not alone. If you’re never ready, that’s okay too. You have to make the decision that is best for you and your family. I’m thankful to the other mamas who let me know it’s okay not to be ready right away too. I don’t know when we’ll have another one, but I do know that there is baby shaped hole in my heart now.